Letters Not To Be Sent:- Letter 5 (A special letter)

Before I start, I’m going to break one of my rules (Daredevil much?) but this is because this letter is special to me. It’s not going to be sent because it can’t be sent. It’s to my belated granddad (Grandpa Griff is what I called him) and if he could see it somehow, believe me I’d send it. But, he can’t. So I’ll just post it here. So it’s not to an anonymous person this time….

Dear Grandpa Griff,

You have no idea how much I miss you. I know I was only five when I lost you but the five years I spent with you, well I cherish every moment. I wish I could have known you for longer. From what I remember, whenever I saw you, you made me smile. You were the one person that always knew how to make me happy. Do you remember the song I sung you? Well, I’ll type out the lyrics just as a reminder:-

“You are my grandpa, my only grandpa,
you make me happy when skies are grey,
you never know, dear, how much I love you,
so please don’t take my grandpa away.”

Whenever I hear that song, I never ever sing the original lyrics. I always sing those ones. It reminds me of you and makes me feel closer to you. How? I do not know. But it does. Even now, 11 years after losing you, it gets me choked up. I had mammy a beaut at the Parc Primary memorial service for the World War II bombings when I sang those lyrics. Ah, how I’m a “little tinker” as you would say.

If there IS such thing as a heaven, then I don’t doubt that you have been watching over us over the years. Probably having a comment on everything we do! I’m always told about the moments in history you’ve made. Like you shouting at the bloke who stood in the middle of the road “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? A FLIPPING SKITTLE? MOVE!” haha! I can imagine you doing that, too.

I wish I could hear your voice. It pains me to have memories of you fade. It hurts me so much. But just because they are faded, does not mean that I have forgotten you. I hope you know that. You better had! I could never forget you. We always talk about you and remember the photo daddy took of you for his photography shop? It’s still in our living room. Bob always puts it to face the TV whenever we redecorate because he says that you like watching the TV. Yes, he’s still a nutter!

I have changed so much since you’ve been gone. I’m not that little Barbie girl princess anymore. I’m almost sixteen (Yeah, it’s scary) and I’ve achieved so much. I had a rough patch but I’ve become so much stronger now and I’m growing up. I really hope that if there is a way that you can see me (I don’t know if there is a way. That’s why I’m agnostic) then I really hope I’ve made you proud. I hope you’ve seen Nicholas, too. He’s your youngest grandson. He reminds me so much of you! He says these witty things for his age and it’s so funny. He’s a tinker, too, but you’d love him. I know you would.

Oh God, I’m filling up again. I deny being soppy because I’m not normally, but sometimes things like this can hit me, you know? I miss you so much. I want to be able to hear your voice again. I want to be able to hug you and not let go. I wish you were here. I really do.

I will never forget you, okay? That’s one promise I KNOW I can keep. I Love you so much and I hope you know that.

Love you forever and always

3 thoughts on “Letters Not To Be Sent:- Letter 5 (A special letter)”

  1. Toriabeth! says:

    This is lovely, Jaz! I lost my nana when I was 8, and I know how hard it can be, awesome letter 🙂

  2. Anonymous says:

    This is lovely! You almost had me leak a few tears, but I kept myself in check!

    This has made me think so much of my belated nan who passed three years ago this January just gone. I miss her ever so much too and I used to be so close with her. Every time I go to see my grampy he only talks about how he’s waiting for his time to go. He gets so depressed it’s horrible.

    Lovely letter though

  3. Ollys_Direction says:

    Thank you both 🙂 x

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